Some newly-wedded couples may often fight, especially during their first year of marriage. Some arguments can be very trivial, such as the temperature of the air-conditioner, a partner’s snoring, indifferences of the spouse’s in-laws, differences in lifestyle preferences, disagreements over specific word choices, clothing and fashion choices, and many more. The reasons for these trivial arguments are infinite.
There is a Japanese saying, “Even the dog doesn’t interfere in a couple’s fight,” or it be translated as “Marital tiffs are best left alone.” This means, what goes on between a couple should stay between the couple, as these trivial matters are only important because of the intimacy between the couple. In some cases, outsiders might think, “Hey, is this the reason why you guys fought? Come on! Just let it go, and make up already, okay?”
Of course, there are some fights that are beyond trivial. Such as domestic violence, unacceptable debt problems, or other serious problems. These are a whole different story and I won’t be addressing these types issues.
But in most cases, it is normal to fight and argue a lot in the first year of marriage. This is because the first year of marriage is a period of adjustment. Couples need to adjust themselves to their new environment, new standards of living, new sets of values, ways of compromising, etc. so the couple can mesh their lives together with the other person.
And soon after this phase and once the couple makes it through the adjustment period, the frequency of fights will reduce as the couple learns to compromise and understand each other better.
Part of this process is learning to accept the unpleasant side of your spouse. This is a part of maturing together as a couple. So, in this case, we can consider the “devil’s advocate” to be helpful. As an example, your husband lazes all day and becomes a real couch potato, and you don’t like it. The devil’s advocate may say, “At least, he doesn’t go outside to drink alcohol. So, you can alter your attitude and see the behavior as fine. He can save himself from unnecessary expenses and possible drunken situations which could bring about problems such as drunken decisions, arguments, or even hangovers.” The devil’s advocate is like looking at the bright side of negative situations. Acceptance and forgiveness will help us feel better and maintain a more harmonious marriage.
As the proverbs go,
“One should not interfere in lover’s quarrels.” And,
“Marital tiffs are best left alone.”
Photo: Marriage life is like climbing a step…Lights can show your way to be happy…