In one of the episodes of the Ninzaburo Furuhata drama series, the actress Ms. Yuko Kotegawa played the role of Ali, a culprit of a murder. Ali’s a psychiatrist that ends up killing her boyfriend when he comes to celebrate her birthday at her house. He was seeing another woman romantically, but Ali was aware of her existence because the boyfriend talked about her to Ali sometimes. But, the “other” woman didn’t know of Ali’s existence. The boyfriend didn’t tell the other woman about Ali which hurt Ali and her mental health started to deteriorate.
The sleek and smart lieutenant work of Ninzaburo Furuhata, much like that of Lieutenant Columbo, corners the culprit.
When Ninzaburo Furuhata asked Ali why she killed her boyfriend, she responded by saying, “This is not jealousy but rather a matter of pride.” This line got me thinking. She didn’t kill him out of jealousy because he was seeing someone else, but rather her pride, which had been wounded, led her to kill. The concept of pride and the emotion that comes from wounded self-esteem is hard to wrap our heads around. But, if you take time to imagine the feeling and consider its consequences, you’ll start to understand it’s depth.
What’s more important to the boyfriend? Being with Ali, while she knows that he’s seeing someone else, or hiding the truth and still being with her?
Did Ali realize that she was not the most important person in her boyfriend’s life because he kept her existence hidden to the “other” woman? Perhaps that’s why she killed him – she was wounded that she had become the “other” woman. He was willing to risk losing her when she learned he had another woman in his life, but he wasn’t willing to risk losing the other woman. In other words, she felt miserable. But, let’s be clear, this doesn’t justify her crime. From the beginning she knew about her boyfriend seeing another woman. The fact that she was dating someone who was also seeing someone else was like carrying a ticking time bomb. It was just a matter of time before it exploded and caused her pain, so much pain, that she was drawn to kill.
Love can be irrational, dishonest, and selfish at times. Bitter heartbreaks and the agonizing thoughts of “what ifs, and why did I fall in love with this person?” are all too common during breakups. Love can be like a black hole and can surround a person with many feelings, misunderstandings, poor judgments, etc.
It seems the “devils” are hiding in the depths of love, such as the blind spots – a weakness of not being able to accept reality sometimes caused by fear of being alone. Loneliness pushes people to look over red flags. Love is not a tool to be used to make yourself happy by using someone’s love to inflate your ego. Love is delicate and can hurt a person to the core. If you take something away, someone will take it away from you. Those who don’t value themselves are the ones who will sink into an unhappy love life. But, valuing yourself and indulging yourself are two different things.
Taking care of oneself means taking action to achieve goals and promote personal growth which shows a person values themselves. Indulging or treating oneself means prioritizing your needs by fulfilling one’s own desires regardless of who it can hurt. Therefore, the aim of taking care of oneself is to respect, grow, and achieve goals but not causing harm to other people. Treating oneself aims to prioritize oneself, protect oneself, and avoid self-sacrifice which will eventually lead to continuous unhappiness and a miserable life, This was the result for the culprit Ms. Ali. The old proverb goes – “You reap what you sow.”